Preparing for adoption

What "preparing" actually means here

Most pages on this topic talk about preparing emotionally for adoption, in a general and slightly woolly way. We mean something more specific. Preparing here is the practical work of getting yourself, your paperwork, and the people around you ready for Stage 1 and Stage 2 of the assessment, so that the process is as smooth as it can be and you come out of it well.

The assessment is not a test. Social workers are not trying to catch you out. The whole thing works better if you treat it as a piece of joint work between you and your assessing social worker, with the goal of producing an honest, useful Prospective Adopter's Report. Most of what follows is in the service of that.

Things worth getting in order before you start

Identity and address history

You will be asked for proof of identity, and for every address you have lived at over the last ten years. Most people can name the last two or three without thinking. The earlier ones take longer than you would expect. Pulling that list together now, with rough dates, saves a fortnight of admin later.

Your GP and medical history

Your GP will be asked to complete a medical report as part of Stage 1. If you have not seen them in a while, or if you have moved practice, it is worth checking your records are where you think they are. The medical report is a routine part of the process, not a hurdle.

Your employer

You will need to tell your employer at some point that you are applying to adopt. Many adopters tell us they wish they had done this earlier rather than later. Adoption leave applies from the date of placement, but the assessment itself involves visits, training, and time off. Knowing your employer is on side is one less thing to worry about.

Two or three referees you are frequently in contact with

You will need personal references from people who know you well. The mistake people sometimes make is naming the friend who was their best man fifteen years ago and who they now exchange Christmas cards with. Pick people who have seen you with children if possible, or at least who have seen you under pressure recently. Talk to them before you put their names down.

Your support network is part of the assessment

One thing prospective adopters often miss is that the people around you are part of what the agency is assessing. Your social worker will want to talk to two or three people in your life who will be there for you when you have a child placed with you — family members, close friends, possibly a neighbour or a colleague.

This is not a tick-box exercise. The assessment is partly about whether the household you are bringing a child into is a robust one, and that includes the network around the household. Being able to name up to six people who would support your family, having spoken to them in advance about what you are doing, and knowing they would say yes to talking to your social worker, is itself good preparation. If you cannot think of enough people, that is also useful information — it is worth thinking now about how you would build that network before a child arrived.

The ex-partner question

One question that often comes up early, particularly from women who have been through difficult relationships, is whether their ex-partners will need to be contacted as part of the assessment.

The honest answer is that it depends on the agency, because this is discretionary. Regulation states that a reference should be sought from a former partner where the adoption agency considers it necessary. This means that agencies can choose how widely to cast the net, and some take a maximalist approach that can be distressing, in particular for women who have moved on from past relationships for good reasons.

Jigsaw's approach is sensible. We do not insist on contacting ex-partners who did not live in the household with children. If you have an ex-partner from a relationship that ended years ago, whom you have no children with and who never lived with children of yours, there is no good safeguarding reason to drag them back into your life. We are happy to talk this through at the initial meeting if it is on your mind.

What the assessment actually looks like

The assessment runs across two stages. Stage 1 is the checks and the preparation training. Stage 2 is the deeper conversations with your assessing social worker, building up the Prospective Adopter's Report that goes to panel.

Across Stage 2 your social worker will visit you about six to eight times. The conversations cover your background, your relationship if you are a couple, your work, your support network, and your understanding of what children who have come through care are likely to bring with them. People who have not been through it often imagine the home visits as a kind of inspection. They are not — they are conversations, although they are searching ones. The questions about your own childhood are usually more probing than people expect.

There is a fuller account of all of this on the adoption process page.

The training

As part of Stage 1 you attend a preparation training course. People who go in nervous about it almost always come out saying it was useful, and several of our adopters say it was the part of the process they found most valuable.

The course is run in small groups, not lectures, and is led by people who have either done the work or done the adopting. It covers what children in care typically experience before adoption, attachment and how it is built and broken, the practicalities of contact with birth families after adoption, and a set of conversations about the kind of child you might be best placed to parent. There is nothing to revise for and nothing to pass.

In addition to classroom based training, we ask you to undertake learning on your own. We have recommend books and podcasts but there are plenty of good sources online. It might be a good idea to start learning about adoption even before the process starts, in particular if you are worried about having time to do so during the process.

What adopters tell us they wish they had known

Book annual leave for it

The assessment does not require you to take leave, but the visits, the training days, and the various appointments add up. Adopters who blocked time out in their diary in advance found the process less stressful than those who tried to fit it around full work weeks.

The questions about your childhood are searching

This is the one that surprises people most. Your social worker will ask about your own upbringing in some detail. This is not nosiness — children who have come through care need parents who have thought about how their own childhood shaped them. Going in expecting these conversations rather than being caught off guard by them helps.

Your relationship will be looked at, if you are a couple

The assessment of a couple is partly an assessment of the couple as a unit. How you handle disagreement, how you make decisions, what your shared understanding of bringing up a child looks like. Couples who have had honest conversations about all of this before the assessment find Stage 2 easier than couples who have not.

Related reading

The adoption process with Jigsaw

How long the adoption process takes

Adoption paperwork

Frequently asked questions