How We Became a Family: Greta and Johan’s Story
Hi, we’re Greta and Johan. We moved to Berkshire last year from East London, but our journey to becoming a family started long before we settled here.
How it All Began
We met on a blind date in Germany. Neither of us were quite sure what to expect, but we hit it off immediately. We both worked in the tech sector and quickly discovered how much we enjoyed spending time together. After a couple of years, work took us to Sweden, where we built our early life as a couple. Eventually, a new opportunity brought us to London, where we lived for four years. During the lockdown we moved to Berkshire.
Becoming Mama and Papa
Like many couples, we always pictured children in our future. We started trying to conceive not long after getting married. At first, we were hopeful. But after our first miscarriage, we became cautious. Then a second loss came, and a third followed. Each miscarriage brought heartbreak and increasing worry. We underwent countless tests, but the doctors were never able to give us a clear explanation for why we kept losing pregnancies.
The emotional toll was immense. The repeated cycles of hope and grief affected our health, both physically and mentally. After much soul-searching, we reached a point where we knew we could not continue down the same path. We still wanted to be parents and to build a family together, but we realised that getting there was proving too hard. We needed time to take the pressure off this goal.
Greta decided to take a short sabbatical from work, mainly for her health. To focus on no work goals, no family goals and just get to a more positive state. We heard about UK adoption from a colleague who was returning from adoption leave a week before.
Deep Dive Into Adoption
The idea of adoption grew slowly but steadily. We read everything we could find online, from blogs to forums to podcasts. Much of what we found was daunting, with stories focusing on challenges and difficulties. But we found stories of hope and resilience, this gave us courage. A school friend had adopted from overseas in Sweden and we looked into international adoption. It was problematic for us to adopt in either Germany or Sweden because we did not live there. The court system for kids in care is also different. Adoption takes several years.
A weekend at a wedding became a turning point for us. We loved wild swimming and after a lakeside swim, we talked openly about our dreams for the future. We both agreed that adoption could give us the family life we longed for.
Finding the Right Agency
We started looking at our local authority but quickly discovered that there were long waiting times even to attend an information session. The message felt discouraging: too many adopters, not enough children. Some other London families also shared this with us on the forums.
We then researched independent agencies and came across Jigsaw Adoption. From the first moment we explored their website, we felt something click. Their tone felt good, warm, and personal. We reached out, and within a couple of days, we had a one-to-one video call arranged.
The conversation was open and honest. We worked out it was a bit of an interview but it didn’t feel like we were being interviewed. Khalida explained the process clearly, what kind of support was available. She also put together a separate plan of the information we needed from our time outside the UK for the state authorities. It was reassuring to hear straight answers. This was without any sugar-coats, but also without unnecessary gloom. We decided to proceed with Jigsaw.
The Assessment Process
We had heard stories about how crazy and bureaucratic assessments could be through the online platforms. But in reality, we found the process nothing more than detailed and thorough. Having been through so much already with our fertility journey, we expected something difficult to happen and throw us off balance. The Adopter App made Stage 1 simple for us. Stage 2 was more detailed because we met with the social worker every week.
Greta, a programme manager, handled most of the forms, while Johan took care of the other stuff – all the research, sorting the medical appointments, getting our referees on board, some of them outside the UK.
The hardest conversations were those with our parents. They were not initially on board with our plans because of us living in different countries. They knew people who had adopted children where things did not work out. Our social worker approached this topic with great care and empathy. We had a video meeting for our friends/family about support. This helped our parents understand more about adoption in the UK. It also helped them support our plans.
We also attended preparation groups alongside other prospective adopters. Our training specialist Pearl made what could have been an overwhelming experience feel informative and engaging. We learned so much about early trauma in infants, how attachment works, and why this is vital for people who are adopting.
By the end of the training, we had not only gained knowledge but had also built friendships with others going through the same journey.
Panel Day
When the day of the approval panel arrived, we were nervous. It felt strange to have strangers read the intimate details of our lives. Panel members were welcoming and thoughtful in their questions. They weren’t trying to catch us out, but rather to understand what we had going on. We received our approval letter when we were out in Greenwich Park. We celebrated and watched the sunset together, a real Instagram moment. We were holding hands and feeling that, at last, our dream was becoming more real.
The Matching Process
All the advice on the online platforms cautioned us about the matching phase. This could be the most challenging part of the journey and even after getting to this stage, there’s still a chance we don’t succeed. Many people get approved and then for some reason, there is no match for them. The caution returned to us but we were still more excited than before. We saw our first profile, which was confusing because we thought we would just say yes.
There were two boys, aged 18 months and 4 years. Their foster carer described them as beautiful fireballs of energy. We watched videos of them splashing in puddles and playing dinosaurs. Something inside us both said “yes”.
We questioned whether we were just saying yes because it was the first one, maybe we were scared of failure. We liked the profile so it would be silly to not find out more. We kept thinking we had to be positive, and it would all work out. This way of approaching difficulties had got us this far.
The introductions were carefully planned over one month. We started with short visits, reading them stories and playing with building blocks. This was weekend play dates at their foster carer’s home. We brought the same soft toys — a little bear each — every time, to create a familiar link. Slowly, we could see the relationship developing. We had two weeks of more intense periods caring for them. On the thirteenth day, the foster carer brought the boys home to us.
Becoming Parents
Those first few weeks at home were intense. For them and also intense practically for us. The routine of meals, naps, and bedtime helped things settle. The support from Jigsaw and the foster carer was invaluable. We could call or text at any time with questions or worries, and knowing we weren’t alone made a huge difference. We used the nap time to spend one on one time with our older son because we knew he had been in care for longer.
The bond we have developed deepens every week, and we now have our adoption order from the county family court.
Life Today
It’s been nearly a year since our sons joined our family. They love exploring the local parks, riding the balance bike and the smaller one on his scooter. They both love helping Greta bake biscuits (mainly by eating the dough). Other things have adjusted. Johan’s wild swimming is now at a pool so the boys can enjoy being in the water. He takes our elder son cycling in the morning before school. As a family we’ve discovered some neat ways of channelling all the energy the boys have. We do a lot of Lego and have a lot of ballgames. RugbyTots is next on the horizon.
“Looking back, the pain and setbacks we faced have made our joy all the more precious. We cannot imagine life without them. Adoption made us into parents, it made us a family.”
A Message for Future Families
If you’re reading this and wondering whether adoption could be the right path for you, we would say: take it one step at a time. Trust yourselves and believe you can do this. Then find an agency you can trust. There will be moments of doubt, but all parents have this. There will also be moments of immense joy which make it all worthwhile.
For us, Jigsaw provided the guidance and care we needed. There was no issue with us being EU nationals living in the UK. The Brexit situation has made it more complicated in recent years. We are forever grateful to Jigsaw for helping us become the family we longed to be.
If you’re considering adoption and would like to learn more about the UK adoption process or connect with other adoptive families, there are excellent resources available to support your journey.
Greta & Johan
